It's amazing how things change when you've experienced traumatic loss... it really puts everything into perspective. Since I've been home I've been kicking ass.. trying my damnedest to maintain some sense of balance in my life. I've been kicking people to the curb with my 6 inch stiletto boots that offset the delicate tightrope that I'm teetering on. I love my friends.. but some of them like being weak and dependent.. but that doesn't sit well with me.. I like powerful people around me.

One of my really good friends is going to jail because she didn't listen and get a new lawyer - someone willing to fight for her on a DUI charge. Over the last few months admist my own issues I have yelled, and reasoned, and tried to make her see the error of her ways.. and now, she's got this lawyer selling her bullshit that even Stevie Wonder can see clearly. So she's going to do a few weeks in jail - that won't apply to her sentence.. along with 8 months in a sober living facility.. when she could have fought it and won because the accident wasn't her fault... I yelled at her that she's being irresponsible for not wanting to tell her mother.. and finally, that she is being selfish not wanting her friends to throw her a going away party.. that she owes then an opportunity to say goodbye... In the end I jsut started calling people and making arrangements for a party anyway.. whether she likes it or not. Fuck that. Sometimes you gotta lead people by the nose to show them they are loved. :-)

Yesterday I had to go to a post-op appointment. I still hate the county hospital I had surgery at.. although my surgical team was awesome. I always have a different resident doing my post ops.. so its like damn near starting from scratch each time.

They gave me retarded information that I already know.. that I'm not pregnant, (didn't I just tell you people I had my period like 3 weeks ago?) They scheduled an appointment for in 2 weeks for an ultrasound I asked for a month ago.. to confirm if this new small, simple cyst that appeared on my right ovary after the surgery to remove the right one. They finally gave me the prescription for birth control I have been begging for since my surgery to control the endometriosis I have been suffering from since my procedure in '04... I was so relieved to get out of there.

Later I ran off to a shoot in North Hollywood for Pinup Paradise. I am not posting the link as the guy's site has a nasty, nasty virus that screwed up my sister's computer while I was away. When he fixes it I will let you know...

Today has been filled with trying to confirm bookings and clearing out the 385 pages of friend requests here on MySpace. (I am down to 256 now! Woohoo!)

I started The Master Cleanse when I returned home from Michigan.. need to desperately get rid of all the crap in my system after all the great food I had while I was away. I've lost 5 pounds since I started 2 1/2 days ago.. I feel great for the most part.. my head is clear.. my thoughts are crisp.. my dreams are vivid. Tonight while watching the 2 hour premiere of ANTM (America's Next Top Model,) I started feeling a little heavy.. less lucid... dizzy.. nauseous. Could it be the extremely heavy bleeding for the 2nd time this month that started yesterday? Or could it be that my body was producing some minor flu or cold bug that was being amplified by the fasting/ cleansing process? I dunno... I'm going with a combination of the two. So I drank a couple of cups of the lemonade for my cleanse to settle my tummy and relax my appetite. I feel better.. drinking my cup of tea for the night before bed. Tomorrow I am going to try to get to yoga.. or at least get to the steam room. I need it. Being in Michigan twice this month has completely dried my skin out.

Off to bed..

Love, Me.

I know impersonation is supposed to be the greatest form of flattery... But this is just a little overboard! I think.. Ugh, Grr and Dammit!

• 
  
• http://myspace.com/85134953
  
  
• http://myspace.com/sinnamonlover
  ^^ This one actually ripped my whole page!!
  
  
• http://www.myspace.com/cinna_mon69
  
  
• http://www.myspace.com/angeleyescse
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~*~ Sinny ~*~

I'm in Michigan.. and have been for several days. I'm up late because I'm trying to get rid of a virus on this household PC. I've been using a Mac forr years and don't have a clue about viruses. Yesterday we buried my father. It was both frustrating and beautiful. Frustrating because in the midst of my father's decline he converted to Jehovah's Witness from Catholic, his current wife's faith. I'm the least person to begrudge anyone their beliefs, but having studied various religions, I came to find that their belief's border on indoctrination... I found myself angry at the warped views shared at my father's funeral - that turned out to be neither a celebration of his life nor a comfort to the grieving, non-JW family, (their faith does not believe in judgement at the time of death - merely that when you die, that's "it" until resurrection.) I had to explain to my 9 year old daughter who questioned, "Mommy, is Paw Paw in Heaven with the Angels and God now?" that... "we don't believe what they believe," and "yes, Paw Paw is in Heaven and is watching over you now.." Their bare bones funeral was more of a meeting/ bible study... and I grew angry with the matriarch of my family, my Catholic grandmother, was told she could sing a song at her own son's funeral - because, "We weren't singing any songs today."

I wanted to slap someone.

One of my cousins hugged me later and said, "his is a day where you hold tight to your own beliefs and move on... I was told by one of my sister's that one of our aunts was in the row behind her saying, "That's a Lie," to every twsited statement the Brother that leaded the services said. My own mother, who is a United Methodist Minister, (Yes, I'm a P.K., "Preacher's Kid,") acknowledged to me later that the things he said were a radical interpretation of the Bible.

The best thing about the day was having so many unknown faces come up to us and share with us how they knew our father and their relationship to him. It was comforting to see him as a multi-faceted indivdual and not just our father. One woman shared a story of how she grew up in the old neighborhood with our father and his siblings and how she was his best friend for over 40 years. Another couple when they heard my name grabbed me and hugged me saying that I used to come to their house in Chicago with my father when I was 1 or 2 years old. Yet another man told of how my father hired him at General Motors over 30 years ago. I heard stories of my father dancing and playing cards...

Several members of my mother's family that I hadn't seen in at least 17 years since I moved to L.A. came... although my parent's divorced over 28 years ago. My stepfather, who I love as dearly as my father, accompanied my mother... and when I saw her, the first time since my father's illness... I hugged her and burst into tears. I clung to her for dear life. I needed her in that moment, refusing to step into the vestibule. I didn't care who saw me sobbing... My grief had earned the right.

One of the smallest members of our family, a 19 month of cousin I'd just met, planted herself on my lap as I sat received the processional line. I took my baby girl, my year old baby sister and several small cousins & nephews to the casket to see my father for one last time.. The moment when they began to lower my father into the casket before closing it was impossible. It started with my younger sister Kimberly sobbing.. my uncle having to comfort her.. then my sister's Mickey & Courtney and my brother Robert all quietly building tear streaked faces. Taylor, the youngest, was comforted by her best friend - my youngest daughter. Their grief much quieter than the rest of us.

We all marveled at the 7 or 8 block line of cars that entered the funeral procession to the cemetery. At the gravesite, I stopped for my own private moment at my father's casket before re-entering the limo. The 34 degree temperature was bareable.. but I just wanted that last chance to say goodbye. While the pall bearers took white roses from my father's casket topper and distributed them to the family - I stood there in silence, hand on the top of the casket, saying a little prayer. I was interrupted by a woman telling me, "At least he isn't suffering anymore."

"I know that, but it doesn't help."
"But would you rather he be suffering?"
"No, but I would rather I not be suffering. All that matters to me right now, is that I have lost my father."

I brushed her off after that. I had no time for someone else's beliefs. Even if in the midst of his illness he was seeking some peace and reconcilation for his life and was wrapped up into this cultish perversion of Christianity.

The most difficult part of the day was not the funeral or the internment.. but actually the beginning of the journey. Pulling into the privae community, turning down his street, pulling up to the house, walking up the driveway... entering the front door. I grabbed my 13 year old sister and held her tight, "We are here together," I told her... reassuring her that we all are in this together and will not abandon her. The faces of my father's 3 sisters and 2 brothers barely comforted me... and seeing my grandmother saddened my heart.. but it was walking into the family room that had served as my father hospice for the last week and a half before he passed away that hit me the hardest. I crossed the threshold and started to sob uncontrollably. I glanced at the recliner where my father's hospital bed once stood and ran out of the room and to the front door. It hit each of us the same way... His presence was there, still. I was not comforted by it, but saddened by the enormity of the loss.

I'm amazed at the outpouring of love from our community. My youngest sister's teachers and principal came to the funeral. My daughter's school is offering free 6 week grief counseling for students that have recently lost a loved one. Everyone's jobs , sororities and even day cares have sent flowers, plants and fruit baskets as a show of love and support. (Speaking of which, I need to try to get to a florist to see if they can ship one of these plants to L.A. for me...)

MyLove left me the most beautiful message on my voicemail after the funeral.

"Throughout your life, you have stood on your father's shoulders.
Now that he is in the ground, you will stand on the ground,
as his shoulders are underneath your feet...
He will no longer support you,
it is time for you to support yourself as he has always done.
Now, in his death, you are truly an adult.
Its that time..."

I understood his words and felt they were the most poignant of all the words I've received thus far.


Overall, my heart found solace in the arms and laughter of family. My cousins Carla and Teria who I grew up with now reside in Glendale, AZ, have the most beautiful children. I promised to come visit really soon.. and will, as I have these adorable little cousins Ariana & Dominick that must be pampered and spoiled. Their sister Janeene has 3 wonderful children that I adore. My cousin Keith and his girfriend have a beautiful little boy now with grey eyes like my Paw Paw did. My nephew CJ is terrified of me I this because he's bad as hell an I always stop him in his tracks and threaten him for speaking out of pocket to my sister, his mother, like that. :-) My nephew Trell is so cute and looks just like his father. My cousin Melanie's son Kiki is such a heartbreaker and drives all the teenage girls wild. Her daughter Lisa worries me because she reminds me of all the trouble we were in at that age...

At one point, my cousin's Melanie, Erica, Carla, Teria, Janeene, my sister Kimmy and I were all in the kitchen gossiping & giggling like we did when we were kids... only this time, interrupted by the occassional "Mommy! Can I have some more cake?" And shreiks of "Where is (Enter the name of any small child under the age of 2.)"

There were 3 big dinner's this week... I think I've gained 20 pounds. :-) And we still have to have a birthday party for my nephew's 1st birthday on Saturday..*Whew*

Today I dragged one of my sister's out to the Genesse Valley Mall to find gifts for the spoiled one year old. I love shopping for babies. Their clothes are so adorable! Little vests and jeans and button down shirts... (No, Hon, I'm not jonesing for another one... yet.)

Okay... Its almost 3 am and I'm beat... I have a rambuncious 4 year old nephew to babysit in the morning before going to the hospital to see brand new great-nephew that is still having some respiratory issues. :-(

Sleep is essential... even if it doesn't come easily.

When I'm home next week I already have 2 shoots plus my speaking engagement at UCSB. My honey is trying to get me to change my flight so I'll intentionlly have a 4 hour layover so I can leave the airport and we can go fuck... ;-) Hmm... I really gotta think on that one. (*weighing options*) Get home at a decent hour to get sleep for my speaking engagement at a University or get some much needed ass..? Hmmm...

Love and Kisses..
~*~ Sinny ~*~

My niece gave birth on February 5th, making me a great-auntie. Not only that but in the process, she brought the fifth generation of our family into the world. One of the photos is precious to my heart... It is lovely... a photo of my father in hospice with her son a few days before his death. It made me smile... seeing this precious baby boy with his great grandfather. I thought I'd share.



~*~ Sinny ~*~

Thank you so much to everyone that has either emailed me privately, called me or posted here in regards to my last blog regarding the end of my father's battle with lung cancer. I am a bit better than I was 2 days ago... trying to keep busy so as to occupy my mind until I travel to Michigan for his funeral next week. These last days, I have had lots of friends drag me out of the house so I could have a few moments of relief from my pain... It has helped so much.

For myLove You are, as always... the most amazing Man. Thank you for listening to me, for advising me, for sharing this grief with me... Thank you for being there throughout my father's illness and supporting me emotionally and offering guidance to help ease the pain I'd feel in the event of my father's demise. Thank you for being strong when I have not been... Your actions remind me that you are truly worthy of my heart.

Special thank you goes out to Omar, Kelo and Karriem for getting me out of the house that first night to go to Common's show at the House of Blues. Music has always been there for me through the worst of times... and that night was no exception.

Another Special Thank you to Ahmir... for listening to me on the phone forever yesterday... It helped.

To Shakira: You know, life always happens the way its supposed to.. and I have to believe that its no mistake you found me here. You've been one of my closest friends since what? Junior high? I'm so glad that you are here to help me through this time.

To Athena: I love you... As one of my best friends since age 4, I just know you'll be right by my side Wednesday to hold my hand and give me that shoulder I need to lean on.

For Kitten, Obsession, Suave, Julian and Ray... My porn family. I love you guys. Thank you for checking in on me throughout the day and into the night. I don't know what I would do without you guys.

For Avena, Thank you for knowing when to comfort me and when to let me cry... You are a good girl. Thanks for dragging me out last night to the game... I needed that. And the Margaritas? Good move...

For Nadia, my new Bestie! *sigh* What can I say... Thank you Love. You are such a good friend. When I get through all the drama of this month I am seriously going to have to travel to Miami to see you and veg out for a bit.

To Carmelo, Thank you angel... Your words did help, believe it or not. I hope to see you in few days so you can give me a few words of advice on how to start to move past my grief.

If I've left you off this list, my apologies. Right now I am just living each day as it comes... I originally planned to cancel my trip to NYC next week to shoot for BDSM company Intersec - as I didn't think I would be able to handle the assignments at this time. I've decided that I need to maintain as normal a life as possible so I can keep my mind free. I don't want my grief to consume me to where I wind up imploding. Its getting easier... but I'm certain that I will feel differently once I actually see him lying in his casket. My pain hasn't subsided, but I have at least stopped crying. And I have each of you to thank, as your encouragement has aided in this initial healing process.

~*~ Sinn ~*~

Life runs in cycles...
there must be ying for yang
bad for there to be good
sadness for there to be happiness
heartache for there to be love
death for there to be life.

This morning I received a call at 12:56am that my father, Bobby Lee Rouse had just passed away. He was 58 years old. I am heartbroken. I have cried myself asleep. I have cried myself awake. Now... I'm just numb. I'm just here. I am waiting for arrangements to be made tomorrow... and weather to be let up so I can actually fly into Flint. I'll be traveling home soon... I love him so very, very much. Everyone knows I'm such a Daddy's Girl... Please, I don't want to hear, "He's in a better place," or "He's not in pain anymore." None of that helps... It still hurts all the same. I hate to bring you such news on Valentine's Day. I hope your day is filled with so much love... as I am experiencing enough pain for all of us.

love, Me.

I'm in love.. and I can't deny the way I feel.

My boy Mr. Len says I'm a true head.

I guess so... You'd never know that 10 years ago I was merely a borderline commercial rap fan... But then it happened... I didn't fall in love with Hip Hop.. Hip Hop fell in love with me. The heavy flirtation between the music industry and soft porn had grown while I was a young girl... sexy girls in music videos were a staple throughout my grade school years.. starting with Warrant's "Cherry Pie," and perfected with "Rumpshaker"by the time I was in early high school. I never paid it much attention.. but the heavy petting that was going on then was just a warm up for the full blown illicit affair that would later develop.

I was an R&B Diva, a Rock & Roll Chick. A Pop Princess. I was so far removed from Hip Hop that I was completely in awe when my then Lover introduced me to Bahamadia one night. Within 6 months I got truly caught up with my history. I started to remember my early lessons from childhood of Gangstarr and KRS One and EPMD... all the artist that were truly Poor Righteous Teachers... I started to feel this cat from the midwest called Common Sense.. I was being given a hand guided tour of real hip hop.. not just the crap that circulates every 60 minutes on the radio.

When I moved to New York, My heart immediately took me to Brooklyn. It was crazy how this midwestern girl that once listened to nothing but 80s Pop and R&B was now rubbing noses with the warriors of the Hip Hop underground. I found myself involved with 3 Brooklyn Men simultaneously.. all living within a 3 block radius of each other. There was The road manager of the struggling underground group, the rapper, and the booking agent... 3 totally different ends o the hip hop spectrum.. and I loved it. I became a regular at some of the hottest venues. DJs would invite me out to hear them spin. Road managers would invite me to her their groups perform. I was the new "It Girl." The L.A. chick with a sweet midwestern disposition and a love for the city. New York Men love L.A. Girls.. its the small clothes, the manicured nails, the open toe shoes.. the fluffy, fun 'tude that comes with having space instead of fighting for your 3" inches of breathing room. A porn chick like me could do well in the city... And I did.

I met dead prez at a club Grammy Weekend in L.A. and began talking to their road manager about interviewing them for a publication. That interview lead me to Philly for the 59th show of the OkayPlayer Tour at the Electric Factory... That's when I met Black Thought and arranged to interview him as well. I became smitten with a group called Jazzy FatNastees.

Late one night a few weeks later, at a club called Fun in Chinatown, buried under the Brooklyn Bridge... I met Lord Sear, Mr. Len, and was reintroduced to M1 and Stic-man... My knowledge of the culture of some of the key players began to grow and expand... Then one Christmas Eve... it happened. I was at Justin's, (Puffy's restaurant,) and "it" happened. I heard someone yelling over the music, "Yo Nas! That's Sinnamon over there!" I laughed... there was no way in hell someone was telling Nas that I was somewhere. :-) I was introduced to Nasty Nas and my whole world opened up... I started to realize... I was FAMOUS.

The next year was a whirlwind. I started using my noterity to interview some of my favorite artists for a men's magazine. I managed to get everyone from Bilal to Black Thought to open up and share with me their thoughts on love, sex, women and yes, porn. Many interviews have yet to be heard by human ears.. and some were damaged by a demon possessed mini-disc recorder...

Years later, I would appear in a music video segment o Snoop's Doggystyle - the first major fusion of Hip Hop and Porn - although I had appeared in a movie many moons before featuring Son Doobie. The marriage of Hip Hop and Porn was a shock to the mainstream because she'd always been the dirty mistress that he'd kept for his midnight rendezvous and drug induced all night partying... never someone he'd be seen in public with.

All that has changed. By the TIME Hip Hop met Me.. our superficial lust for someone that would appease our 5 senses quickly cooled when we realized that we'd actually found someone that we could engage in real conversation with. We'd found soul mates in one another.. I needed someone that could see past my fly exterior and see into my brain.. recognizing that I was more than a pretty face with a pair of DSLs. And Hip Hop? He longed for someone that would see past his often militant and intellectual persona and see him for the Man he really was... He sought out that woman that could vibe with him, make him vegetarian dishes, raise his children... and not forget that he still had carnal desires. Hip Hop came across me and knew instantly he'd found a woman that wouldn't hold his kinks and quirks against him.

We were perfect for each other.

And we fell deeply in love.

He introduced me to The Legendary Roots Crew... who in turn introduced me to some of the most amazing live shows I've ever witnessed. Last night, I fell in love with him all over again. Hip Hop knew that my flirtation with classic Rock and R&B would never die.. and completely understands that my crush on the Roots is innocent enough... The satisfy my wanderlust.. give me something I need when he's not around. Last night, my love affair with The Roots continued as I stood for nearly 2 hours while they rocked the Gibson Ampitheater in Universal City. During their sets... I was drowned in a lyrical assault while the band did a JDilla tribute. If I hadn't seen it for myself, I would have never believed the stories of The Legendary Roots Crew doing the Bob Dylan cover "Master's of War." I felt compelled to stand throughout the piece as tribute to fallen soldiers and a big verbal middle finger to those that sit in offices and play with the lives of young men and women off fighting for a war they were mislead to believe in.

Talib (Kweli) rushed out onto the stage to do "Get By," then the amazing brass band, Brad 7 came out to do a short set with Questlove giving the rest of the guys a little breather. When they returned, Lupe Fiasco push kicked his way onto the stage for a short set... with Jilly from Philly floating on stage in these kick ass wood platform silver space boots to perform "DayDreamin'" with Lupe and The Roots backing them up. Lupe sneaker skated off stage while Jill went into her own set made up of new and old tracks that kept the crowd, or at least me... rocking. My love for Hip Hop was expounded when they guys, as usual, went into an old school medley of infamous hip hop classics... then turned the page and brought out, "Hip Hop You're the Love of my Life," the song from the opening sequence in the movie Brown Sugar. My date and I grooved in our seats to the beat from the first note dropped to the last.. then made our way to valet as quickly as possible before segueing over to the Key Club for their 4th Annual Pre-Grammy Jam.

I was extremely elated that the opening act this year for the Jam Session was the 20th anniversary of one of my favorite acts from the Prince era. The Family had only performed in concert twice before, and with the encouraging of our fearless leader, Questlove.. they opened the show with a few of their signature hits.. including Screams of Passion & Nothing Compares 2 U. St. Paul, Susannah, Jerome, Jellybean... all the original members made this reunion the icing on the cake for me. Every year The Roots outdo themselves with this Jam Session... I'm just happy I got a chance to witness both Jill, Lupe and Talib hit the stage at the Amp with the crew before things got really nuts at the Key Club. The fire marshall was there early on... and we couldn't even begin to make our way to the upstairs VIP.

A fairly new lover, a victim of one of my occassional one night stands... was a little overly aggressive when he first saw me when I came off the green carpet from doing press photos and an interview. He tried to pull me into a corner to stick his tongue down my throat and his fingers inside my pussy. Unfortunately for him... yet another lover of mine, (one whom I've written about in a few recent blogs,) was merely steps behind me finishing an interview and would collide with us any moment. I tried to reason... I needed breathing room.. and pushed away from him.. teasingly chastising him for the overly public display of affection. No, the other lover did not see the awkward moment. ;-)

I spent the next several hours balancing between chatting with my varied famous lovers - past and present, making new friends, catching up with old ones and watching the show. One of my more recent suitors kept plying me with drinks... Tanqueray and Cranberry, (Tanqueray was a sponsor so no Bombay Sapphire for Sinn.) He and I spoke about "Us," his thoughts on how I looked... My thoughts on how he looks... His eyes.. penetrating my thoughts and making me blush and turn away each time.

"What are you doing later?"
"Nothing."
"Maybe I can see you later?"
"I have Nicara coming back to my place... but I'm sure Avena can keep an eye on her if I need to leave."
"Well what about Monday...? Maybe we can get together then..."
"That sounds good. I would love that."

He kissed my lips through the air so as not to cause a scene... I smiled... We walked towards the stage. I wanted to disappear with him right then. But I quickly found someone else to take my mind off him...

Nicara (Aurora Jolie,) was in deep conversation with someone I've become instant messanger buddies with recently. He invited us to go with him to JDs (Jermaine Dupri's,) party. I ususally stay at the Roots Night before Grammy's Party but I never let a girl travel like that alone... So I conceded. Of course we never made it to the party... but wound up in the studio with one of the hottest Reggaton artists out right now, Daddy Yankee. (Yeah Delilah... I immediately thought of you! hehehe!) The two tracks we heard them working on were amazing, "Who's Your Daddy?" had me singing along within 16 bars... ;-)

Back at my place.. I plugged in my dead cell phone and started checking missed calls and messages. Miscellaneous would be lovers putting in their bid for the night on the hope that in some tipsy stupor they would be the lucky chosen one to fill the space on the other side of my bed. Between the time it took for me to turn on my phone and walk into the bathroom, I missed a call from the Aggressive PDA (Public Display of Affection,) Lover. He was leaving the venue and wanted to cum play... I explained that I had a beautiful lady sleeping in my bed, (failing to explain that she was merely sleeping,) and that I was going to climb under the covers and crash. Which I did... after I went through a few emails. And sent him a nice little text about how although I'm a dirty little slut, my privacy is paramount to me... as should his be for him. :-)

This morning... I woke up thinking about just how fabulous last night really was. I realized that I really am in love with Hip Hop even more today than I was 10 years ago. My love affair has grown into something undeniable... I can't wait to see Common at the House of Blues on Valentine's Day.. So I can get my Love Jones fulfilled once more. ;-)


Here are a couple of photos courtesy of Love Your Television Be sure to check out their site for more photos of celebs that hit the red carpet plus attending the party that night!


Avena Lee and I on the Green Carpet



Avena Lee and my date for the night.. Ray Rizzle. The Hottest Asian Guy in Porn. :-)


~*~ Sinny ~*~

I love a girl... I love beeing a name in the biz.. I love having famous friends.. Mostly because, well, I get invited to the best parties and events EVER. Last year I managed to get an invite from the big homie extrodinarie.. ?uestlove to The Roots pre-grammy jam at the Key Club. It was the single most amazing concert I have ever attended in my life. For 7 hours, the Roots backed up almost anyonee you'd want to seee live.. Erykah Badu, Jill Scott, Talib Kweli, Mos Def, Common, Snoop, Bushwick Bill, David Banner... the list is endless. Well its that Time of year again.. and wouldn't you know it, I'm going to see The Roots, Jill Scott, Akon and Lupe Fiasco perform tonight at the Gibson Ampitheater, but I am also going to their 4th Annual Pre-Grammy party afterwards...! I'm excted about this one because ?uest informed me that this marks the 20th Anniversary reunion of The Family. I can not tell you how much that means to a true Prince Fanatic like Moi!

Check out Questlove's blog with video of the rehearsal performance of all the original members of The Family doing my all time favorite song... Screams of Passion! OMIGOD... St. Paul is soooooo hot!!! hehehehehehe! I've been in love with Susannah since I was a little girl.. I was standing next to her and Wendy last year at the party and wet my panties... :)

I feel 13 right about now..

~*~ Sinn ~*~

Today's update for the site is one of my favorites! This set of 109 hardcore girl/girl images are from the video, Big Ass Slumber Party and are courtesy of Black Ice DVD! :) Belle D'Leon and I had SO much fun with this scene... no toys.. just she and I in a very organic situation. :) All of my fans that love checking out a woman's sexy bare feet will be happy to know that I kick off my shoes very early in this set! I love playing with girls more than you can possibly imagine.. and it shows in these photos as much as in the video!

~*~ Sinn ~*~

There are 28 photos from this glamour set courtesy of Danni.com! Be sure to check out these ultra sexy images of me as your genie... Truly, this photos will have you saying, "I Dream of Sinn"

~*~ Sinn ~*~

Lost without you

"I'm Lost without you... can't help myself. How does it feel to know that I love you baby.. I'm lost without you.. can't help myself. How does it feel to know that I love you baby.." (From Robin Thicke's song, Lost Without You)

Do I love you more? Yes.. with each rise and fall of the sun. Do I depend on you? Only as much as I need the air I breath... But without you...? That love remains like an oxygen tank I carry around with me every where I go.

No.. I'm not lost without you.. I'm found with you. Without you.. I'm even stronger. Your love fulfills me.. Strengthens my days... and staggers through my hollow nights. Your love helps me know that I can face any demon.. Even in your lengthy absences.

Others never took me seriously enough to recognize the power and softness that lie beneath the surface...

They miss the depth of my complexity when i expose what lie beneath the skin that houses my left breast. Not often is a woman lucky enough to find her muse.. Men have the privilege of enjoying the inspiration of beautiful women all the time... But rarely do they truly appreciate the good fortune of having such a gift.. Women tend to appreciate are are so easily inspired by that which isn't truly worthy of such admiration... I'm blessed to have found such beauty in truth and love ... in a man named John Love.

Not a John.. as I've had many in my life. But in the only man that knows how to turn my head and brings butterflies from the pit of my stomach into thee back of my throat... even after all this time.

Yeah... I'm found with you.. And without you.. I am made stronger each day from the love you shower through all media of communication. Your voice brings a smile to my face.. your laugh makes me cry.. your stern voice reminds me of just how much I'm loved... The result is a light from my heart shining for all that I encounter to bathe in.

Its because of you that I have grown from being merely the Sinn of Man.. to a far more addictive vice that every man wants in his life. I represent you faithfully in all I do... even when climbing on top of another... or crawling in between his legs.. Because truthfully? I'm really crawling in between your legs...

Yes.. I dream of you, fantasize of you, cum thinking of you... when fucking someone else.. I imagine you standing in my doorway... watching. Coming over to the bed while he has me bent over.. whispering orders in my ear.. telling me to come for him.. so you can observe... Sticking your cock in my mouth while he takes me from behind... yes, often the man lucky enough to be in my bed takes to gift of the flesh you allow me to share.. but my mind.. and heart.. remain with you.

You float through my heart and into my mind and down into my loins even in the most intimate moments with another. Damn.. I'd hate for my varied other lovers, as wonderful as they are.. to know how truly insignificant they are in the greater scheme of my quest for sexual gratification. They are merely tools of the trade.. To be used and set aside until needed at a later time.

So am I lost without you? Never.. you made me stronger than that. You deserve a woman that can stand without you... and know that you'll be back. That your absence doesn't mean you aren't coming back. That will support your journey towards success - and strive for her own.

Thank you for recognizing that woman...

is Me.

~*~ Sinn ~*~

Damn..

I so don't want to leave Flint..

I want to leave the airport

hop into a taxi

and go back to my dad's bedside..

but...

Its just as important to him

that we don't interrupt our lives

for him.

But that's hard for me..

Because I realize

that without him...

I'd have no life at all.

So though the tears of the last week...

the heartache and fear

that being so far from his bedside...

the city, county, state, and time zone...

that should he take a turn for the worst...

I will be too far away

to make it before

he exits.

Last night was the hardest..

fingering his DNR (Do Not Resusitate) Order

I lost it...

Walked out of the family room turned hospice

through the breakfast room

through the kitchen

down the hallway

towards the garage

and into the laundry room...

and burst into tears.

His wife told me...

take as long as you need.

When I reecollected myself

I returned to assist in whatever was needed.

But now.. even as I sit in Flint's Bishop Airport

Shivering uncontrollably

instead of crying in front of perfect strangerse

I feel him...

I love him..

Now its time to eget back to work.

My dad will understand.. I know it. :-)

So here goes:

Tomorrow I'm speaking at an internet seminar.

Friday Shooting a BG-A for NaughtyAmerica.

Friday Night shooting with Kitten and John E. Depth for SinnamonLove.com.

Saturday and Sunday shooting a feature.

Monday shooting for Vivid.

Tuesday traveling to NYC.

Wednesday and Thursday shooting for Intersec (Hardtied.com and InfernalRestraints.com.)

Friday traveling to L.A.

I'm supposed to fly to Vegas for All Star... but more than likely, I'm going to be leaving right away to return to Michigan. All of this is tentative of course.. on my dad's health.

Oh yeah... at some point during all this I want to sit down and work on something for my speaking engagement at UCSB on February 26th. Ugh, Grr and Fuck! I think I'm going to start going back to yoga everyday... I need to regain my focus.

On another note... my favorite niece gave birth to a beautiful baby boy on Monday, Feb. 5th... I'm a great-aunt now! ;-)

Life comes in cycles.. for every birth there has to be a death.

~*~ Sinn ~*~

I've been home with my family in Michigan since last week... My father's cancer is now in his bones, bone marrow, kidney, esophagus, lymph nodes, glands and yes, his entire lung. There is nothing more they can do for him, except make him comfortable... He's decided to do home care hospice instead of regular hospice.. so today he was released and the home care coordinator had the bed, oxygen tank, portable toilet, wheelchair and other equipment sent to his house.

When I first arrived on Wednesday night, my sister picked me up from the airport and I went straight to the hospital. I walked into ICU and wasn't prepared for what I saw.. He hadd lost about 100 lbs since I last saw him in December. He looked so frail.. and it took deep breaths and retrospection to not cry. He is elevating to a new plane.. and though non of us are prepared for that, it is a relaity that must be faced. That first night, he was asleep so I merely stood by his bed, held his hand and kissed him... letting him know I was there. It is really hard for me.. I've always been such a Daddy's Girl.. we all have.. My dad has 5 girls and one boy.. and his girls? We're his babies. My older sister and I spoke to the nurse, I checked the machines for vitals, looked at his skin.. touched him to feel for warmth.. and took a deep breaths.. I wanted to cry... That night in the privacy of my bed I did just that.

The next day I returned to the hospital and spent some quaity time with him. He was in good spirits, but had been witnessing for several days, (He recently converted from Catholicism to JW,)  and was visibly tired. The next few days I spent as much time as I could at the hospital with him.. we'd talk a little, but mostly I just let him rest, see that I was there, and try to get him whatever he needed... It was difficult watching him unable to eat.. The cancer in his throat makes it difficult to swallow. When he received baked fish, potato and steamed veggies for dinner one day - I asked the nurse to see if the cafeteria could send him up some chicken soup he'd had at lunch.. just so he'd be able to eat something. I'd fetch ice for his Ensure, and try to convince him to drink it down. For the most part... he's okay. But the rest of us? Emotionally drained.

Friday my sister Mickey and I ran around like crazy trying to prepare for my niece's baby shower.. then cooking all Saturday morning, followed by actually throwing the party Saturday afternoon. I was so happy to be able to spend some QT with my aunts, uncles, cousins, grandmother, and miscellaneous friends. It was pretty fun playing all these inane little baby shower games. I took lots of  photos, and (hopefully,) be able to develop them tomorrow if it isn't too cold. (My digital camera is broken and I haven't been able to replace it yet.)

After a long day on Saturday, my sister Mickey woke me up early Sunday morning, (around 7am,) placing my 11 mo. old nephew in bed with me as she headed off to work. At about 9:30a, my neice woke me up saying, "Auntie, I think I broke my water." I tried to convince her and her boyfriend not to drive the hour to Ypsilanti in this incliment weather.. and instead drive to the closest hospital. I called my sister at work, who in turn called my younger sister Kimmy to go to the hospital and be "her" for the day until it was definite the hospital was going to keep her 21 year old baby... :-) Kimmy called and asked if her ex-husband could drop her son off to me.. and of course, I obliged.

I started with the mundane.. dishes, cleaning baby bottles, preparing baby formula, making infant rice cereal. Its funny how these things never leave you. Lol! I fed the baby and my youngest, emailed my oldest, and put the baby down for his 11:30a nap.. I took the repreive to shower and get myself together for the day. Around 1:30p my 4 year old nephew arrived... I fed all the kids lunch, ate soem leftover cake from the night before, and did a few emails... Then laid the baby down for nap #2 by 4:30p. Damn I'm good.. ;-) Made a few phone calls and checked in on the pending birth of my brand new "great-nephew," then started dinner and turned on the pre-game show. I had originally planned to watch half the game at the hospital with my dad then go to my Uncle Jimmy's house for the remainder. He, like my dad, is a hunter year round.. and had prepared Venison, Quail, Rabbit, Chicken and Ribs... Being that I don't eat red meat.. I definitely wasn't going for the food. ;-) But to spend time with more cousins and family that I don't get to see often. Instead, I watched the game with a sweet little baby in my arms when he wasn't running after the older children. I didn't mind.. I love having a house full. I started having baby dreams.. and called my other half. During a commercial break, I spoke to my friend Ahmir and he said, "You're turning into the little old lady that lived in a Prada." My response? "At least my shoe is fly...!" hehehehe!

I settled all the kids down for bed, approved a bunch of comments and called my agent. I have jobs coming up this weekend and wanted to make sure I had all the details.

This morning, I got up a little late.. my sister's boyfriend stayed late to take care of the baby until he had to leave for work. When I did wake up, I called to check on this slow little baby that as seemingly stalling his emergence into the world. A little after 12:30 this afternoon, Brenton Jr. finally made his appearance at 7 lbs. 5oz. We haven't met yet, but I can't wait to see him tomorrow... weather permitting. It was 9 degrees today with a wind chill factor of -30 degrees. It was a little to cold to take any of the kids out.

Sometimes its hard to balance family and work, for anyone regardless of occupation.. but family is first and foremost the most important thing for me. I am so lucky to have a loving, wonderful family that is very close to one another. While I'm excited about shooting for Naughty America for the first time this weekend, and for Vivid later this month... Nothing will beat out the amazing time I've had with my family this week.

People often ask me how do I stay so strong in the face of adversity... Its the Unconditional Love of my family and (real life,) friends that keeps me going. Without Love. None of us amount to much. All the money, expensive things, lush lifestyles.. they only amount to the dollar value attached to them. Love.. (the pure, untainted kind,) is truly priceless.

~*~ Sinn ~*~

..> ..>

..> ..> Horny Black Mothers 3 Reviewed by Glen Mustafa Published in AVN January 2007 Category: Specialty Content Rating: AAAA Company: Evasive Angles Entertainment Length: 144 Min. Director: Mark Anthony Available Formats: DVD Cast: Dee, Desiraye Michaels, Sinnamon Love, Mya, Vida Valentine, Sean Michaels, Charlie Macc, C. J. Wright, Price Diggums

..> ..> Review: These buxom beauties prove that the pussy doesn't stop purring after squeezing out a kid. In this collection's most dramatic scene, Charlie Macc and Sinnamon Love enact a twist on those Dateline child molester specials, as he shows up nude in her kitchen seeking her 14 year old daughter he met on the Internet. Their hot tryst includes watching each other masturbate, wet oral and ass fucking on the kitchen counter. The rest of the scenes also feature hot moms, scorching and varied sex, and clever scenarios. Mark Anthony is an underrated director, who puts more thought into his pictures than most. Pre-nom for Best Specialty Release - MILF. Retailing: A terrific all-black MILF collection.   DVD Extras: Behind the Scenes, Biographies, Bonus Footage, Still Gallery, Trailers

You can Download the Movie, Purchase Pay Per View Minutes or Buy the DVD on My Online Store right now!

~*~ Sinnamon Love ~*~